The Truth About Missions and Motherhood

Last night at about midnight I was awakened by Nayeli screaming from her crib. I found her feverish, and as I was just about to give her some Motrin and nurse her back to sleep, I felt a sickening splash on my face and shoulder. A quick flick of the light switch revealed last night's dinner on my cheek and shirt. Ugh.

Thankfully (insert sarcastic tone here) I have a husband who is a complete zombie when awakened in the middle of the night (remember how at 1:30 am he was driving to the hospital going 5mph under the speed limit while I was having contractions every 2 minutes?). However, in Ben's defense, he was able to get a grasp of reality long enough to hold the screaming Nayeli while I cleaned up myself and changed her. He then retreated back to our bedroom while I rocked our sick girl. Before sunrise I had changed my shirt three times. Needless to say, it was a long night.

By this morning, I had drafted an idea in my head on how to prepare those who are contemplating parenthood. I'd like to introduce it by way of an analogy. I'll call it the Sister Missionary analogy.

Lately, numerous LDS girls are going on missions and I think it's amazing. But for me, there's a caveat. Everyone tells them, "Oh it's wonderful! It'll be the best 18 months of your life! You're going to love it!" And they're right. It is all those things and more. But where is the person who sits each one down and says, "We need to have a chat. Has anyone told you how hard this is going to be? Has anyone mentioned that there will be MULTIPLE TIMES that you will wonder why in the world you went on a mission? That you will give anything for a plane ticket home?"

For me, it was my sister Christina. She served in the Dominican Republic in the 1990's. To say she had a taxing mission would be putting it mildly. She bathed from a bucket and never had a shower, was constantly battling parasites, lost a large portion of her hair, and had companions who hated and refused to speak to her. She even told me that at one point she prayed she would break her leg so she could be sent home.

Like the others I've described, she told me about the good of the mission. But because she took time to tell me about the bad, it helped me a lot. I knew it would be great, while at the same time knowing that it would be really really hard. And I did encounter a lot that tested me to my max, physically and emotionally. But I always had Tina's voice in my head saying, "It's okay. It's normal for it to be hard. It will be worth it".


Just for fun, here are a few photos of a few things that tested me physically (as to not incriminate former companions, investigators, or members, I will not be posting pictures of the things that emotionally taxed me :) ).

Giant cockroaches

 The ants and mosquitoes were vicious. My legs were covered with bites like this my entire mission and I had scars for a year or two after. Also, please marvel at my amazing tan lines from my shoes.

 Washing my clothes by hand in the shower (thankfully I did have a shower in all my areas).
This typically took almost all of our preparation day.

 The lizard I had to chase out of the house with a broom

 The spider I killed in our house. My nametag is on the ground to show it's size. 

 It jumped at me as I went to spray it. Note the huge pincers on the front of it's head.

But back to my idea. What if we apply the "chat" I received before my mission to motherhood? Wouldn't it be nice if a seasoned mom sat down with each girl who was considering motherhood and said, "We need to have a chat. Has anyone told you how hard this is going to be? Has anyone mentioned that there will be MULTIPLE TIMES that you will wonder why in the world you became a mother? That you will give anything for a plane ticket to Hawaii or anywhere else for that matter?"

It would be even more effective if the seasoned mothers were wearing shirts with spit up on them or pants with the remains of a blow-out on the thigh. And then, when times got hard for the new mom, she could remember the words of the seasoned mother saying, "It's okay. It's normal for it to be hard. It will be worth it".

Initially, when I woke this morning, I felt robbed. Where was the person that could have told me I would be awakened in the middle of the night only to be vomited on? Where was the seasoned mother who would let me know what it was really going to be like?

Then I realized that it doesn't matter. It wouldn't have diminished my desire to be a mother. Just like my sister's talk never lessened my desire to be a missionary. In fact, last night, after the mess was cleaned up and I held my daughter snuggled against my chest, I felt there was no where else I'd rather be.

In both the mission and motherhood, the sweet greatly outweighs the trial. The sweet is what keeps you going. There is nothing harder, but there is also nothing better.

 

*Note: My example is specific to sister missionaries because in my opinion, the mission is an entirely different battle for the sisters than the Elders. Both face similar problems in the mission, but my observation has been that the sisters deal with the stress and difficulties in the mission in a different way than the Elders. And, of course, I was never an Elder so I can't speak for what helps prepare them for a mission. I am just speaking from my own observations and experiences.

Nayeli's First Birthday & Easter

We've been celebrating Nayeli's first birthday for weeks now. Last Friday Ben had the day off work so we went to the Living Planet Aquarium in Sandy. Nayeli wasn't really into the fish, but she liked the otters and penguins. It was a great place for somewhere as land-locked as Utah.

 

I'm pleased to announce that I got both a nurse shark and the sea turtle in this shot

Then last Saturday we had a combined birthday party with Nayeli and Ben's little sister Chelsea. We gave Nayeli a cupcake to let her dig into...

 however she daintily ate it and hardly made a mess at all.

That wasn't exactly what I was going for :) I wanted some mess pictures!

Opening gifts with Grandma Jane

Helping with gift opening. I love her chubby cheeks in this picture.

Sunday we celebrated Easter at my mom and dad's home. Four of my siblings were there with a total of 18 kids. It was crazy, but so much fun!

Of course my mom went all out on the table decor. It was beautiful. And this was only the adult table. There were also two other kids tables decorated equally as beautiful.

 

  Each place was even complete with a nametag

 I made a banner of 12 months of Nayeli. Each picture was from a month of her life.

My amazing and hilarious sister Julia. Oh yeah, and there's a banner in this picture too :)

One year old and as cute as ever

 We gave her a piece of strawberry pie complete with whipped creme. 

 A recipe for a mess? Perfect.

 I think she likes it

 Sometimes when she's eating in a high chair, she sticks her foot up like this and relaxes. 

We call it her mob-boss pose.

She ate the entire piece of pie, no problem. This kid LOVES to eat. 

The cherry on top for the night was found when I lifted Nayeli out of her high chair to put her in the tub. Unbeknownst to us, she had had a major blow-out while enjoying her strawberry pie. Thank heavens she was headed for the bath anyway. And yes we took some pictures as we laughed, but I'll spare you. We'll save those photos to show her first date. 

One year later...

Today our sweet Nayeli is a year old. I can't believe it has already been a year. I don't realize how much she's grown and changed until I look at pictures.

 Birth

 4 months 

(I love this precious picture that I just got this week. 

It was taken at my dear friend Cassidy's wedding)

 8 months

12 months

Being a mother has by far been the hardest thing I've ever done... but also the most rewarding. Nayeli has made my world brighter, better, and more beautiful.

We love you Nayeli girl. Happy Birthday!

14 Fundamentals to Remember

This morning, as I read the news, I became a bit discouraged by some of the current events taking place nationwide. With so much confusion, I sometimes feel confused myself and question what I believe and why.

Then I remembered this talk. It was given by Ezra Taft Benson when he was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. It is entitled, "Fourteen Fundamentals in Following the Prophet". Although it was given over 30 years ago, it is a message that is as applicable today as it was then. I have listed them as they are given in the talk, although he expounds on each one wonderfully.

FOURTEEN FUNDAMENTALS IN FOLLOWING THE PROPHET

First: The prophet is the only man who speaks for the Lord in everything.

Second: The living prophet is more vital to us than the Standard Works.

Third: The living prophet is more important to us than a dead prophet.

Fourth: The prophet will never lead the Church astray.

Fifth: The prophet is not required to have any particular earthly training or diplomas to speak on any subject or act on any matter at any time.

Sixth: The prophet does not have to say “Thus saith the Lord” to give us scripture.

Seventh: The prophet tells us what we need to know, not always what we want to know.

Eighth: The Prophet is not limited by men’s reasoning.   (This was the one I needed the most this morning so I thought I'd include what President Benson put after it).

"There will be times when you will have to choose between the revelation of God and reasoning of men—between the prophet and the professor. 

Said the Prophet Joseph Smith, “Whatever God requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason thereof until long after the events transpire.” (Scrapbook of Mormon Literature, vol. 2, p. 173)."

then later...

" 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.' (Isa. 55:8–9.)"

Ninth: The prophet can receive revelation on any matter—temporal or spiritual. 

Tenth: The prophet may well advise on civic matters.  

Eleventh: The two groups who have the greatest difficulty in following the prophet are the proud who are learned and the proud who are rich.

Twelfth: The prophet will not necessarily be popular with the world or the worldly.

Thirteenth: The prophet and his counselors make up the First Presidency—The highest quorum in the Church.

Fourteenth: The prophet and the presidency—the living prophet and the First Presidency—follow them and be blessed—reject them and suffer.

Now I remember why I believe what I do. What a great reminder to me this morning that Jesus Christ has called a prophet in this day and age so that we can have a beacon of truth and reason. We need never feel discouraged, confused, or lost, no matter the circumstances that surround us.

Ben's Latest

This is Ben's latest video. It's for the new store opening at the company where he works.



When people ask what Ben does for work I like to say, "He makes videos for an online knife store". But Ben simply says, "I make YouTube knife videos". We're both right, but he's more right.

Often we get such a laugh out of the fact that videos like these made it possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom. It's ridiculous, but it pays the bills, and we can't complain about that.

Flashback to February 2012

Note: Part of the purpose of this post is to remind myself, when pregnant in the future, that pregnancy does not last forever.

Last year at this time I was nine months pregnant and feeling oh-so-ready to have a baby. I was waking up every few hours at night to pee, sleeping uncomfortably with a pillow propped beneath both back and belly, and having Braxton Hicks contractions weekly. Not to mention the swollen feet and ankles I was getting from my twelve hour night-shifts in the ER.

And did I mention the envy I had for any woman who had recently given birth? Major jealousy...

But I wasn't the only one expecting. The ER was full of pregnant women. I was the furthest along, then the others followed close behind. A year ago this month we had a baby shower to celebrate.

And today, a year later, we met at another baby shower. Except this time we weren't the pregnant ones. Hallelujah.

 (LtoR) Athena & Nayeli, Kattie & Zara, Heather & Easton, Nesha & Finn)

Although we were missing two others, we grabbed a snapshot of us and our babies. We all did it! We survived the nine months of pregnancy and had adorable children.

So was it worth every middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom? You'd better believe it. And I'm sure the other girls would agree.

Our Love Story

In honor of Valentine's Day, I've decided to post about how Ben and I fell in love. This was inspired by my friend Vindie, who recently posted about her love story.

How Ben and I met, as well as the story of our first date can be found in this post from 2010. It's a toned down version since, until years later, I never actually knew how weird Ben thought I was after our first date. To put it simply, Ben never really planned on asking me out a second time.

 

Our first date. In my defense, I wanted to take pictures because on the mission, 

you take pictures of everything! But yeah, I know, it's still weird. 

Fast forward a month, sometime in November 2009. I have lost interest in Ben "whats-his-name" because he hasn't called. Ben has also lost interest in me, until one night he stumbles upon the pictures of our first date together. He thinks, "Maybe she's more normal with more adjustment time after her mission." So he calls to ask me to a play on Friday. As fate would have it, I have to work on Friday. Another near ending.

I think this is the point that our future children began to intervene. They were in heaven shouting things like, "C'mon Dad, she's not that weird!" or "Try to get work off on Friday Mom!" Needless to say, we needed some divine intervention.

And it was nothing short of divine intervention when Ben contacted me again about a week later. I received a text asking if I wanted to come eat crepes at his house on Sunday night. I was a little put off that he asked me out in a text, but since I wasn't planning on doing anything else that night, I decided to go. It turned out great. For the first time we actually hit it off. And he said that the thing that caught his eye the most was that I stayed late to help do the dishes.

But how could such a simple circumstance be called divine intervention? After we were married I kept calling the crepe night "our second date" until finally Ben confessed that it wasn't meant to be a date at all. He told me he had texted 10-15 people to come eat crepes that night and I was the only one who was able to come. He had even invited other girls! From the moment I got the text, I thought it was an exclusive invitation. If I had walked into the room to find other girls there, Ben would have been on my "do not call" list forever and for always.

So however it was that our kids blocked those texts / helped those people find other plans, I have them and heaven to thank. Because after that date, our relationship picked up speed.

 

Bowling at BYU. The first night Ben held my hand.

 At a UVU basketball game, the night of our first kiss.

 In fact, when I say our relationship picked up speed I'm not exaggerating. Roughly two months later, we were engaged and five months later we were married. I knew I wanted to marry Ben long before he had his confirmation. And since I knew, I took action. Before Ben had even proposed, I had:

• Said "I love you" to him before he said it to me
• Told him that he could propose and I would say "Yes" (I was never good at playing games)
• Picked out and purchased my wedding dress
• Found a wedding ring
• Called the temple to schedule our wedding day. I figured, "Hey, if we break up, I'll just cancel it!" In my defense, we had roughly discussed dates and I didn't want the good times of day to be taken. However, I don't know if that excuse will save me on the Judgement Day when they question as to why I lied to the temple worker on the phone. When she asked "Does the groom know about this date?" I nearly died. She really asked that! Maybe because she could hear the lies about everything else in my voice- a false phone number, my parent's address as his; I even gave them the wrong middle name because I didn't know his yet! So when Ben's temple letter arrived at my parent's house, his middle name was spelled wrong (it's Arden... I told them Arwen. Pretty close guess though, right?). Don't worry, I later fessed up and now we have a very honest, open relationship (wink, wink). And yes, we still have that envelope and letter.

The night Ben proposed to me. He proposed at the MTC in the room we met in.

Now we're going on nearly three years and I can't get enough of him. He's wonderful. We never would have been matched up on eHarmony or any other dating website because we have so little in common. Yet, we're perfect for each other because we have everything that's important in common. Besides, it's our differences that make us interesting to each other and keep our marriage entertaining.

Ben, I love you more than I could ever show you. Thanks for giving the weird returned missionary another chance. I'll make you glad that you did for the rest of eternity.