The Adventure Continues...

Well, the adventure of miscarrying continued this weekend and I hope it will now finally begin to wrap up. I thought I'd write a summarized version just to let you all know we're doing well and the worst is now over. Last Tuesday I had passed lots of tissue, thinking I had fully miscarried, and by Saturday (our anniversary) the bleeding had almost totally stopped. However Sunday after church I began to hemorrhage and bleed like a faucet, so Ben drove me to the hospital.

Because of insurance reasons I didn't get to go to the ER where I work (bummer), but the ER where I went took great care of me. It was hard to be the patient and not the nurse, but everything went really smoothly. When my lab work came back, my hematocrit was only 27, which means I had lost a lot of blood. The ultrasound showed large amounts of retained products and placenta (which was facilitating the bleeding), so the doctor called the OB and I was prepped for surgery. I had to have a D&C (not the gospel D&C of course, but dilation and curettage) of my uterus. Basically they were going to go in and clean me out so that the bleeding would stop.

In the ER with two IV's due to my heavy bleeding.

The tender mercies of the Lord were everywhere. The nurse who originally oriented me as an ER nurse, Ron, was working and when he saw me he immediately triaged me and put me in a room. That may have also been because I was already starting to bleed through my pants, but we'll give him points for hospitality :) There were other nurses who I used to work with who came and said hi, and the nurse who took care of me was phenomenal. Even the ultrasound tech did a great job and told me, "If you tried to pass all this at home, you'd probably bleed to death". Good thing I'm not afraid of hospitals :)

Another tender mercy was that the on-call doctor for my office was also the doctor on-call for the ER. When I spoke with him I was already at the hospital, but he told me I'd made the right decision and he'd be ready to come in if I needed surgery. After the ER doctor called him, he was there within 15 minutes, even with it being Easter. Surgery went well, although I lost about a liter of blood and they had to transfuse me 2 units mid-procedure. Even after he finished, the doctor put a balloon in to decrease the bleeding. I was under anesthesia so I don't remember anything, although I guess I said some pretty memorable things after that Ben wrote down and is planning on putting in a future blog post. Stay tuned...

After they moved me to my room for the night, my mom and dad stopped by. It was my Dad's 70th birthday and we had missed his party. We were bummed, but of course he understood. Ben was so exhausted but he stayed the whole night by my side on a cot they brought in. It was so comforting to have him there. He's such a wonderful husband.

Ben on his cot

Both Ben and I barely slept that night. Even after surgery and the transfusion my hematocrit was still only 28 and all night my blood pressures were between 80-90/50. In the morning they redrew my blood and the hematocrit had dropped to 27, plus I had a low grade fever. I thought they were going to make me stay another day. However when the doctor came for his morning rounds, he told me I could go home if:
1. My vital signs were good
2. I could walk around the nurses' station without getting dizzy
3. I could go to the bathroom without the catheter

I was so excited! After breakfast I made Ben walk around the nurses' station with me three times, I proudly peed, and by noon my vital signs looked great.

Here we are right before discharge. This picture makes me laugh out loud. Don't we look like two people who've just had the worst night of their life? Not to mention the 10 pounds I gained from all the fluid. But on the bright side, Ben brought me the beautiful flowers in the back. Did I mention what a stellar husband I have?

So now we're home. I'm weak and sometimes dizzy, but feeling much better. Better than I have for months actually. My skin is slowly getting back it's color and I've lost six pounds in the past 2 days. Of course that's because I go to the bathroom every 30 minutes :) For those of you who knew about all this, thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Our testimony from this experience is that Heavenly Father stands by his children when we are going through a difficult time and he will never, ever, make us go through anything alone. If we don't abandon him, he will never abandon us.

One whole year together!

Can you believe it? Ben and I have already been married one year. On Saturday April 23, we celebrated first anniversary. What a great day! It was so fun to reminisce about our sealing in the Provo temple. Even the weather paid tribute; it was overcast and rainy, just like on our wedding day last year.

Coming out of the temple

After sleeping in late, we made a waffle breakfast with whipped cream and strawberries. We then got ready and went to the Provo temple to do sealings. I love the Provo temple. And getting to see the sealing room where we were married was wonderful too. We then went home and read our journal entries together about the day we got married. We also read the sealer's advice to us and how we are doing to apply it in our marriage. We discussed the leap of faith it was to get married, but how happy we have been since.

That night we drove to Salt Lake to go to a restaurant I have always wanted to go to. The Melting Pot is extremely expensive, so when Ben told me we could go for our anniversary I was shocked (Ben is very frugal). But true to his word we went up and had a delicious dinner of fondue, all cooked by us on a pot on our table. We sucked up the cost, and it was totally worth it. What a fun place to eat!

We had spinach artichoke cheese dip as our appetizer. Delicious!
And the guy holding the food isn't too bad looking either :)

We then moved on to the meat portion. The platter had a variety of meats to try.

Our boiling pot of oil

Best part of the meal? Dessert of course.
How can you complain when everything is dipped in chocolate?

The week before our anniversary had been very hard emotionally and especially physically due to the miscarriage, but I was so grateful that I felt well and our anniversary was so fun. I think after having a tough week Heavenly Father wanted to give us one day that we could remember how good it is to be married and how much we love each other. This is especially true since the next day brought a lot of surprises and was especially difficult for both of us.

Just so you know...

Well friends, I have some good news and bad news all wrapped into one. For those of you who didn't know, in February Ben and I found out that we were expecting. We were super excited and looking forward to having a baby in October.

Here we are after taking the pregnancy test. I love this picture.

Then at about 6 weeks, morning sickness started. Full blown. Throwing up about every other day, no energy or motivation; if you've been there you know what I'm talking about. But we got through it. At week 13 I started to feel a little better, just in time to come back to Utah.

I never saw a doctor in DC due to insurance reasons and because nothing ever felt wrong. I made myself my own doctor :) I set an appointment for as soon as we got back to Utah. So this week we had my first appointment. My uterus measured the right size at 14 weeks, but when Dr. R used the doppler (the sound magnification machine) he couldn't find a heartbeart. Being a nurse, I wasn't concerned because I do the same thing at work and sometimes I can't find a heartbeat. So they wheeled in the ultrasound machine and began looking around. As soon as the ultrasound tech told us the baby only measured 8 weeks I knew it was dead. I looked on the screen and saw no beating heart, no arms or legs, just a lifeless blob. The doctor then came back in and explained that I would eventually miscarry the baby naturally or I could take medicine to do it quicker. I opted for the medicine.

When we left the office we were obviously both very sad. A few hours earlier we thought I was 14 weeks pregnant. We thought we had gotten through the beast of morning sickness for the first time. And we thought we were going to have a new baby in October. But the beautiful thing about the gospel of Jesus Christ is that he sends his comforter, the Holy Ghost, when we need him. We felt that comforter from the moment they told us the baby had died. As if Heavenly Father was saying, "It's okay. Just trust me. I know what's best".

As a nurse I've seen many women miscarry in the ER. I've often thought, "Don't they know that their body knows when it's right or wrong? Don't they realize that this miscarriage is saving them from raising a baby that isn't formed right?" Now being on the receiving end, I understand each of those women so much better. Is it possible to be so sad about something, but so thankful at the same time? Over the past few days, Ben and I both have been able to sort out those feelings. And today I just feel grateful. I'm over the excitement of pregnancy and being parents and I feel, more than ever, God's plan unfolding for us and our family.

I'm sorry if this is a bit dramatic. I just want to express that I know this is what needed to happen to us, even if it has been hard and even though it means I'll go through morning sickness twice for one pregnancy. Blah :( (I'm trying not to think about that too much for now). My mom jokes that when my first child misbehaves I can say, "You had better behave. I went through morning sickness twice for you!" ha ha. But out of trials come countless blessings, including the miracle that I held onto the baby for 6 weeks after it had died, just so I wouldn't have to miscarry in DC without my family and friends nearby. That has meant the world to me and I can't thank Heavenly Father enough for that.

Another blessing is that I have 4 sisters, all of whom have had miscarriages. And they've all gone on to raise beautiful families. I feel no fear about not having children; we've only been married a year and still have time to start a family. The bottom line is, it's comforting to know that the Lord has a wonderful and perfect plan for our family. We are just lucky enough to be a part of it.

Eastern Market Finds

Last week Ben's mom and little sister came to DC to visit us before we return home. Ben had work or class most days (with final papers and such), so Jane, Chelsea, and I had a great time touring the sites and museums. There was a close-call with a near government shutdown, however we still got it all in. We were all happy because Jane and Chelsea got to see all they wanted, and Ben and I got to spend time with them.

A few nights we had Ben all to ourselves. We had dinner at the famous restaurant, "Founding Farmers". I'd give it 3 stars... just normal food. Not spectacular.

There are many great things about my mother-in-law, and one is that she loves to shop. And I love to shop. And I have been lacking a fun shopping partner since I've arrived here in DC. So Saturday morning we took Jane and Chelsea to get Blueberry Buckwheat Pancakes (delicious) at the Eastern Market and then... we went SHOPPING! Ben even got in the action. We wanted to get some unique souvenirs before we come home.

My purchase was the decorative tins on the left. Aren't they so cute? I'd been eying them since the first time we went to the market. Jane found a two cute skirts, and Chelsea got a hat knitted in the shape of a donkey. And Ben? Being the artist that he is he picked out some original art from DC. My picture below isn't very good, but it really is a cool painting of the Capitol and DC rowhouses.

Tourist tip: The Eastern Market on Saturday morning is a must-see if you are going to be in DC. It has people from all over the world selling art, jewelry, soap, candles, clothes, etc. We bought my tins from a Polish man, Ben's art from a man from the Republic of Georgia, and Chelsea's hat from an Ecuadorian man. So it's a cultural experience, as well as a really fun place to shop.

Headed South

(Pirated from my sister-in-law Marilyn, who painted this awesome map of Tennessee)

Having grown up in the west, who would have thought that everything in the east would be so close together? Since Ben and I have been in DC we have been to Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and most recently Tennessee. When my brother called to invite us for General Conference weekend, I had no idea Kingsport, TN was only a six hour drive away. And the benefit of growing up in the wide open space of the west is that six hours in a car is small change. Especially without kids. So Friday afternoon we packed up our stuff to head south and see my family.

It started out to be more of an adventure than we anticipated, mostly because Google Maps makes everything look so easy.

Step 1: Rent car. (Easy enough, considering they put Ben on as a driver since they didn't realize he's under 25).
Step 2: Maneuver one-way streets in busy city. (Slightly harder. I had looked them up online before leaving but there's always one that throws you off. We went in a few circles before we could get to the Barlow Center).
Step 3: Pack up car. (By far the easiest step. Can I just say how much I LOVED having a car again?)
Step 4: Confuse Google Map instructions. (Yep, we got lost leaving DC. However my trusty navigator aka Ben soon got us back on track and we were on the right highway after only 20 minutes of aimless driving).
Step 5: Drive in Friday afternoon DC traffic. (Worse than we thought).
Step 6: Enjoy the beautiful Virginia countryside.


Step 6 was obviously our favorite. Ben and I loved the rolling green hills of Virginia and thought the entire drive was straight out of a storybook. Red barns, cattle grazing, green grass, large old mansions set on hills... I'm sad I didn't take any pictures (so here's one I took off Google). We arrived on Friday night in time to talk with my brother David and sister Emily, their spouses, and families. Since they live in the same neighborhood, we got to spend plenty of time during the weekend with 10 of my nieces and nephews (pending 11 in May when David and Marilyn welcome their eighth child: a boy).

Saturday morning I was so excited to wake up and hear the birds chirping instead of the buzz of the city. Living in DC has taught us that we're country people (no offense to the city folk) :) We had a waffle breakfast, went to a yard sale, Ben and David went to WalMart to have a real "southern" experience, then conference began. Here in the east it starts at noon and it was nice to have a couple extra hours in the morning.

We enjoyed lots of treats during the sessions

Ben with his stash

With my nephew Peter. Robin's Eggs are the most fun to eat
because you can paint your lips... or face.

We watched the first session at David and Marilyn's, then went to Emily and Darren's for lunch and so all the men could play paintball. Behind Emily's house is 7 acres of forest so they divided into teams and shot the living daylights out of each other. That was until Ben decided he could have more fun shooting himself (just kidding honey :) ). While trying to get a stuck paintball out of the barrel, Ben's gun went off in his face, hitting the bridge of his nose and sending paint into his right eye. For a moment we weren't sure if we had just recreated "You'll shoot your eye out" from the Christmas story, but after a good rinse Ben could see fine. Let's just say we're grateful we didn't spend the second session of conference in the Emergency Room.

Ben in all the paintball garb, pre-"you'll shoot your eye out"

The paint-ballas

Saturday night, while the men went to Priesthood, Emily, my niece Eliza, and I all went shopping. I didn't buy anything, but it was so fun to walk around Target and TJ Maxx. I haven't been to a strip mall in months and it was highly therapeutic :) Sunday we got to enjoy beautiful Tennessee weather, walk around David and Marilyn's yard, see Emily's food storage, and listen to more conference. Conference was wonderful, and I loved all the topics and speakers. We arrived home Sunday night after being in the car a grand total of 12 hours. But after having so much fun with my family, it was worth every minute.

Cherry Blossoms!

I have always wanted to see the cherry blossoms in Washington DC and so I was thrilled when I found out we would be here for the annual Cherry Blossom Festival. Although it is still chilly and there are huge amounts of tourists, Ben and I took some time this week to walk down to the Tidal Basin. Verdict? It is a beautiful sight and just as breathtaking as everyone says.