Nayeli at 1 month

Tomorrow Nayeli will be one month old. What a blessing to have this sweet little baby in our home.  Here are a few pictures from her last month of life.

Don't you think she looks like Ben as a baby?

 

She loves Ben and he loves to hold her, even when he's busy on his computer.

 

 

 Just a few of her cute faces we get to enjoy

This was taken today. She's grown so much and now weighs 9 pounds.
We love our little girl!

Ben's Graduation

Ben graduated Cum Laude from BYU last week with a bachelor's in Broadcast Journalism and a minor in film. For work he'll be going full time at the company he's been working part time at since last year- Blade HQ. I'm so proud of him and all his hard work!

 Our new family

 Nayeli slept the entire graduation but had a breakdown soon after this photo was taken. 

Can you see it in her face?

Ben's family came down from the graduation. We loved having them here.

 Congrats Ben!

I'm trying to type this before the baby wakes up...

I'm back from my blogging hiatus ready and willing to say that you were all right. It does get easier. Not that we're out of the woods yet, but after a month of being a mom I no longer feel like my life is over. In fact with some adaptation I feel like I'm regaining some stability and beginning to enjoy what it is to be a mom.

Although, I can't say that my personal adaptation deserves all the credit. I also owe it to a nipple shield that fed my baby while protecting my infected and torn up nipples. I owe it to a sleepy wrap that gives me two free hands again while getting to feel my baby snuggle up to me. And I owe it to a bassinet that has sometimes helped my baby sleep in four or five hour blocks.

The list of things I relish in grows every day: having Nayeli recognize my voice, learning her personality, seeing her smile at me or Ben, being able to calm her crying, taking her places and having people tell me what a cute baby I have.

And I'm relishing in today because today has been a good day. At this moment dinner is in the oven, the laundry is folded and put away, my kitchen is clean, and my baby is sleeping in a wrap on my chest.

I know all days won't be like this so I'll take it. And even if tomorrow the house is a wreck and I get nothing done, I'll take it too. Because I still get to be a mom, and my life is not yet over.

The World Upside Down

I've taken a blogging hiatus for awhile since I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Actually, if it's possible to feel like my life has been turned upside down, done a 180 and then a triple-salchow, then that's how I feel. So I'm now going to confess that having a newborn, although a wonderful experience, is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I'm sure all you seasoned mothers out there know what I'm talking about. One day you have control of your life, and then the next you are completely subject to another. You relinquish all your freedom. Your life is no longer your own. Who saw that coming?

When I asked my mom and sisters about a week after Nayeli was born why they didn't tell me having a baby was so hard, they all laughed. They each said something to the effect of, "We did tell you. You just thought you'd be different". They were right. I did think I would be different. I would be able to get plenty of sleep. I wouldn't have problems with breastfeeding. I wouldn't cry every day from the baby blues. I would be able to keep my house clean and do lots of projects. After all, all newborns do is sleep, right?

What a rude awakening. Especially the breastfeeding. By the way, if you don't want all the gory details of my breastfeeding life, you can skip to the last paragraph now. But for all the rest of you, I'll say that it has been something akin to torture. Finally yesterday I broke down and went to a private appointment with a lactation consultant. Turns out I have a staph infection of both nipples as well as being cracked all around the edges. So besides applying antimicrobial creams, I'll be pumping my milk and bottle feeding for a few days to give my breasts a break. Yesterday I felt like a motherly failure, but today I've noticed such an improvement that I can't be disappointed. Hallelujah. Although I must say that breastfeeding really is a beautiful experience and I love it, even if it feels like you're getting a wart burned off each time you do it.

To end, I want to clarify my emotions. Do I love my daughter? Yes. Do I think she's wonderful and precious and the most beautiful baby ever? Of course. Am I happy we had her? Absolutely. Would I send her back? Never. Is admitting that it's hard mean that I love her less? Absolutely not. Every day I have at least one moment when I look at her and think, "I love being your mom". And even if that happens only once a day, it makes it all worth it.