Smotherhood

Social media makes people's lives look so glamorous and perfect, doesn't it? I'll admit, I almost exclusively post the best of my life because it's my highlight roll. It's what I want to remember. The reality, however, is that my life is neither glamorous nor perfect- no one's is. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother. I love it. But I once heard motherhood referred to as "smotherhood" and I get it. Many days I myself ask, "Can a woman get a moment to herself around here?!"

There are so many things I used to do alone and not even think about the solitude... not even think about it. How things have changed since I had children.

Take going to the bathroom for example:

Teddy calling to Ben in the bathroom (he does the same thing to me- there's no mistaking those little fingers under the door).

Or showering. Teddy is an early riser and isn't very interested in TV. That means that unless I want to wake up before him (which I typically don't), I have to pull him into the shower with me to keep him out of trouble (I used to let him play with toys outside the shower until he started putting them in the toilet). Now shower time has become a juggle of keeping Teddy occupied and away from the razor that I'm using to shave my legs.

And then we move on to doing my hair and make-up. I've found the trick to being able to get anything done is to put Teddy in the sink and let him tear apart my vanity. I've only had to pull the deodorant from his mouth one time so, we're still in good shape, right?

Also, remember those days when you were childless and you could go buy a soda at the drive-through and sip it peacefully in the car? Remember that? Now each time I want anything at a drive-through I have to consider the two mouths sitting behind me. It makes those frequent Sonic trips a little more expensive than they used to be. Thank goodness for Happy Hour.

(This photo was actually taken on a day that sodas and Dora were the only thing that got us through until bedtime).

And last but not least, sleep. A few months ago Nayeli started having bad dreams and so I would crawl into bed with her to help her fall back asleep. Then Ben was sad that he was waking up in the morning by himself, so I started pulling her into bed with us. It was okay for awhile, but then she started to take liberties with space and before we knew it Ben was sleeping on a sliver of our bed each night. Not to mention that I was sandwiched between the two of them. The situation just made us all grouchy and wasn't working.

Luckily, we were able to make Nayeli a mini-bed right by where I sleep. She's taken to that quite well and we've found we're all sleeping much better.

Nevermind that it's a king sized bed- we would always end up like this in the morning. 

Oh, and one last thing:

There are two funny things about this picture. First, look at the text in blue. That was one of the kids texting Ben from my phone. Pretty sure it went something like this:

(Me, trying to send Ben a text)

Kid: Mom, I want to send Dad a text.

Me: Okay, just a second, let me finish this.

Kid: But I want to send him a text now! And play a game! And look at pictures!

Me: Just a second, I just have to finish...

Kid: Now!

Remember the days when you could just send a text and handle your phone without someone else trying to pry it from your hands? Me too. But just barely...

Then second part of the picture is the text in yellow. Ben sent this to me on his lunch break and I could not stop laughing. It looks like Teddy sampled some of the produce when he "helped" me put the groceries away. That's another thing... remember grocery shopping by yourself? Yeah, me neither.

The truth about motherhood is that it is about finding balance- a balance between giving your children your time and love while maintaining a sense of self-identity. It's about keeping your sanity while developing lasting relationships with your kids. I am still learning how to balance (and stay sane for that matter), but I look to two of the great examples in my life for help.

My own mother was a wonderful example of selflessness. She would drop any personal interest or endeavor to show us love and give us time. She always erred on the side of giving us more and herself less. She is one of the most loving people I have ever known.

The second example, and the most perfect, is the Savior. He never thought of himself but only of others. He was constantly loving, serving, helping and caring. Christ said, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matthew 10:39). Am I losing my life to be a mother? Maybe. But by giving so much of myself, more than I ever thought I could give, I am also discovering greater love, patience, happiness and joy than I ever thought possible. Whatever I may give, the reward is infinitely greater. 

In the meantime, I'll try to relish the snuggles in bed and the fingers under the bathroom door. They won't last forever, and while they do they can make me a better person. Also, it doesn't hurt that I get to wake up to this face. No matter what time it is, he is still cute.

Early morning selfie

Such is the Life

Yesterday was kind of bad. I don't really have to get into any details- just imagine the quinticential difficult day of a mother of two small children and you've pretty much got the idea.

As I was getting into bed last night I turned to Ben and dramatically said, "Today was awful". He optimistically responded, "Good thing you had such a good day yesterday."

"Yesterday?" I replied. "What was yesterday?"

He looked at me incredulously. "Uh, the day you wrote a blog post about being so happy?"

And such is the life of a mother.

Happy

Tonight I felt an intense moment of happiness.

For family home evening we decorated gingerbread houses and as I was putting the houses on the shelf to display, I had a moment where time stood still. I saw something my family had created and it struck a chord in my soul. I didn't hear Teddy crying or Nayeli running around or even Ben cleaning up. Everything stopped and I just felt so... happy. At peace. Complete. That I am the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. What a feeling.

That seems so funny to say, considering that I've had my fair share of debbie-downer days lately and even longed for the days when I was single and lived for myself. Those were the days when I wasn't getting up 2-3 times a night with a baby. They were the days when my life didn't revolve around nap times, play dates and feedings. I did what I wanted when I wanted, and I can't lie and say that that doesn't sound appealing when my kids are both having meltdowns as I check out at the grocery store (not like that happened today or anything :) ). But they were also the days when I was selfish. Yes, I occasionally looked outward, but everything I did was about me.

Being a mother is morphing me. Everything I do now is about someone else. When I sleep, what I eat, where I go, all I do is determined by these two little children that I love so much. Even now, when everyone else is asleep and I finally have a moment to myself I'm writing a post about them. My husband. My children. My everything. What irony, huh?

It brings such meaning to the scripture in Matthew 16 that says, "Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." (v.24-25)

I am losing my life (and sometimes my mind- I kid, I kid) but I am finding it in something else. My family. At this point, nothing matters more. In fact, when we first moved here I (more often than I'd like to admit) bemoaned the size of our apartment, our income, my wardrobe, blah blah blah. And now I am just so grateful. Grateful for a husband who is kind and hard-working. Grateful for food on our table. Grateful for money to pay our bills. Grateful for two healthy and adorable children. Grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will always look back on this time of my life as a time when God taught me to be grateful. Tonight, in that moment of stillness, that is what he was teaching me.

Teaching me that I have everything that matters. And no matter how little it may seem to be, it will always be enough.

Making gingerbread houses

Nayeli and her house- I put the frosting on but she did all the candy herself

Get Going

Mondays are my stay at home and get things done days. I get the laundry started, plan my meals for the week, make my grocery list, do the dishes from Sunday, etc. It's like a weekend recovery day.

Although today it was especially difficult to get going. I got a few things done, then realized about 11am that I needed to make it to the store. However it was just so nice to be in my pajamas in my warm apartment. Nayeli was entertaining herself so well and I didn't want to go out in the rain.

So I kept putting it off. Finally by 1pm I knew I needed to go to the store before Nayeli took an afternoon nap. I dragged myself into a pair of jeans and put on some mascara. The following were my attempts to get out the door:

Attempt #1- Ready to walk out the door when I hear the dryer stop. I take a second to take the dry clothes out and put a new batch in.

Attempt #2- Walking toward the door when I smell that Nayeli's messy. Change a poopy diaper.

Attempt #3- Already out the door when Nayeli signs she wants milk. Knowing she'll be signing it until she gets it, I unlock the front door and enter the house again to fill her sippy with milk.

Finally we get into the car. We're on our way when I realize that I forgot my reusable grocery bags. Oh well. I'm not going back a fourth time.

We drove the one mile to Fred Meyer and arrived by 1:30. I was sure I could run in and do some shopping all before Nayeli was sleepy. Then I turned around to this:

I laughed out loud. She's been so hard to get to sleep most afternoons (yesterday she didn't nap at all) I didn't have the heart to wake her up and drag her into the grocery store.

So I drove home again. I put her in her crib, put back on my pajamas, and sit here blogging. I guess the grocery store will just have to wait.

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day we went to Music and the Spoken Word with Ben's mom Jane. Ben watched Nayeli while we went to the program. I had never been and I really enjoyed it. It seems like everything the church puts together is so well done. 

We spent the rest of the day with Ben's mom and family in Mountain Green. Soon she will move from the house that Ben grew up in, so we went to his home ward so he could see so many of the people he loves. After church the men made us dinner and, I must say, it turned out delicious. We later went to the park to fly a kite and play Frisbee. The weather was beautiful and it was a really great day. 

 

I love being a mom and feel so blessed to have my sweet daughter. She is such a blessing and has brought so much light into our lives. I'm grateful everyday that she is a part of our family.

The Truth About Missions and Motherhood

Last night at about midnight I was awakened by Nayeli screaming from her crib. I found her feverish, and as I was just about to give her some Motrin and nurse her back to sleep, I felt a sickening splash on my face and shoulder. A quick flick of the light switch revealed last night's dinner on my cheek and shirt. Ugh.

Thankfully (insert sarcastic tone here) I have a husband who is a complete zombie when awakened in the middle of the night (remember how at 1:30 am he was driving to the hospital going 5mph under the speed limit while I was having contractions every 2 minutes?). However, in Ben's defense, he was able to get a grasp of reality long enough to hold the screaming Nayeli while I cleaned up myself and changed her. He then retreated back to our bedroom while I rocked our sick girl. Before sunrise I had changed my shirt three times. Needless to say, it was a long night.

By this morning, I had drafted an idea in my head on how to prepare those who are contemplating parenthood. I'd like to introduce it by way of an analogy. I'll call it the Sister Missionary analogy.

Lately, numerous LDS girls are going on missions and I think it's amazing. But for me, there's a caveat. Everyone tells them, "Oh it's wonderful! It'll be the best 18 months of your life! You're going to love it!" And they're right. It is all those things and more. But where is the person who sits each one down and says, "We need to have a chat. Has anyone told you how hard this is going to be? Has anyone mentioned that there will be MULTIPLE TIMES that you will wonder why in the world you went on a mission? That you will give anything for a plane ticket home?"

For me, it was my sister Christina. She served in the Dominican Republic in the 1990's. To say she had a taxing mission would be putting it mildly. She bathed from a bucket and never had a shower, was constantly battling parasites, lost a large portion of her hair, and had companions who hated and refused to speak to her. She even told me that at one point she prayed she would break her leg so she could be sent home.

Like the others I've described, she told me about the good of the mission. But because she took time to tell me about the bad, it helped me a lot. I knew it would be great, while at the same time knowing that it would be really really hard. And I did encounter a lot that tested me to my max, physically and emotionally. But I always had Tina's voice in my head saying, "It's okay. It's normal for it to be hard. It will be worth it".


Just for fun, here are a few photos of a few things that tested me physically (as to not incriminate former companions, investigators, or members, I will not be posting pictures of the things that emotionally taxed me :) ).

Giant cockroaches

 The ants and mosquitoes were vicious. My legs were covered with bites like this my entire mission and I had scars for a year or two after. Also, please marvel at my amazing tan lines from my shoes.

 Washing my clothes by hand in the shower (thankfully I did have a shower in all my areas).
This typically took almost all of our preparation day.

 The lizard I had to chase out of the house with a broom

 The spider I killed in our house. My nametag is on the ground to show it's size. 

 It jumped at me as I went to spray it. Note the huge pincers on the front of it's head.

But back to my idea. What if we apply the "chat" I received before my mission to motherhood? Wouldn't it be nice if a seasoned mom sat down with each girl who was considering motherhood and said, "We need to have a chat. Has anyone told you how hard this is going to be? Has anyone mentioned that there will be MULTIPLE TIMES that you will wonder why in the world you became a mother? That you will give anything for a plane ticket to Hawaii or anywhere else for that matter?"

It would be even more effective if the seasoned mothers were wearing shirts with spit up on them or pants with the remains of a blow-out on the thigh. And then, when times got hard for the new mom, she could remember the words of the seasoned mother saying, "It's okay. It's normal for it to be hard. It will be worth it".

Initially, when I woke this morning, I felt robbed. Where was the person that could have told me I would be awakened in the middle of the night only to be vomited on? Where was the seasoned mother who would let me know what it was really going to be like?

Then I realized that it doesn't matter. It wouldn't have diminished my desire to be a mother. Just like my sister's talk never lessened my desire to be a missionary. In fact, last night, after the mess was cleaned up and I held my daughter snuggled against my chest, I felt there was no where else I'd rather be.

In both the mission and motherhood, the sweet greatly outweighs the trial. The sweet is what keeps you going. There is nothing harder, but there is also nothing better.

 

*Note: My example is specific to sister missionaries because in my opinion, the mission is an entirely different battle for the sisters than the Elders. Both face similar problems in the mission, but my observation has been that the sisters deal with the stress and difficulties in the mission in a different way than the Elders. And, of course, I was never an Elder so I can't speak for what helps prepare them for a mission. I am just speaking from my own observations and experiences.

One year later...

Today our sweet Nayeli is a year old. I can't believe it has already been a year. I don't realize how much she's grown and changed until I look at pictures.

 Birth

 4 months 

(I love this precious picture that I just got this week. 

It was taken at my dear friend Cassidy's wedding)

 8 months

12 months

Being a mother has by far been the hardest thing I've ever done... but also the most rewarding. Nayeli has made my world brighter, better, and more beautiful.

We love you Nayeli girl. Happy Birthday!

Three trips in one

On July 20th Ben, Nayeli and I all embarked on three trips in one. It was a good adventure and though I didn't take very many pictures, I wanted to record what a wild ride it turned out to be.

CASSIDY AND MATT'S WEDDING

 Cassidy and Matt with her parents

Our first stop was at one of my best friend's (Cassidy's) wedding in the Bountiful temple. Even though she planned the wedding in only a month, it turned out great! It was especially special because since she's a convert to the church and the only member in her family, I was her escort. It was such an honor and I was so happy to be there. My awesome sister Christina even came up to watch Nayeli so Ben got to attend the sealing as well. I love attending sealings with Ben and this one was good for Ben to be at since Cassidy was instrumental in setting us up. She was the one who gave Ben my phone number.

With Nayeli at the wedding. Ben objected to me putting this bow in her hair because "It's way to big". I'm sad to admit he was right. It was a little over the top.

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

Yep, one of those pictures

MONTANA

After the wedding festivities, we slept the night at Ben's mom's house and then drove to Montana the next day. We had so much fun relaxing in the cabin, eating until our stomachs were going to burst, and getting out. We hiked, had a target-shooting competition with our new gun (yeah, we bought a gun- future post to come) and explored the big-sky country. And I only took two pictures. Lame.

We hiked with Emily and Laura's families to a beautiful lake. It was seven miles but all the grandkids did it, even my four year-old niece Bridie. 

So Montana was a blast (like always), and we loved it (like always). And Ben, thinking that it would be fun to film his friend on the Snake River, decided he would take a day of work while we were on vacation. And that's how we ended up in...


JACKSON HOLE

We arrived in the afternoon, and Ben filmed all day while I shopped. Let's just say shopping in Jackson Hole has gone to pot. When I was a kid they had a Benetton and J-Crew outlet, as well as a Gap. Now it's full of designer boutiques and souvenir shops that all carry the same things. What was foreseen as a fun day of shopping ended up being a day of walking from souvenir shop to souvenir shop, trying to entertain a three month-old and myself. And just when I thought I'd found a safe haven in a designer pearl boutique that was very interesting (I struck up a conversation with the owner who was wearing a $10,000+ pearl necklace), Nayeli had a blowout onto my shirt. Yeah, it was one of those moments.

By the time Ben was done filming at 8 pm I had hit my limit. We had agreed to go camping (to save money on hotels and because Ben LOVES camping) so we rushed to get to the campsite before dark. As soon as we got there, we began unpacking and realized... Ben had forgotten his sleeping bag. 

I had a severe moment of "we are getting a hotel room and don't think you're going to talk me out of it", but Ben calmed me down and told me that he had the perfect solution. He said he would sleep in his clothes, wrap himself in a blanket, and stuff his feet in my partially unzipped sleeping bag. So the two of us shared the sleeping bag until about 3 am when Nayeli got cold and I put her next to me. By the morning, all three of us were sharing one sleeping bag. Yeah, it was one of those camping trips :) 
 
 

 In actuality, it didn't turn out awful. At least we look like we're mildly enjoying ourselves here :)

Our little monkey

And in the end, it was probably worth it. Most adventures are, right? At least we got a great YouTube video to show for it.

Quote of the day

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for." Elder Neal L. Anderson

Thanks to my friend Vindie for sharing this on her latest post about motherhood. I needed this today.