Happy

Tonight I felt an intense moment of happiness.

For family home evening we decorated gingerbread houses and as I was putting the houses on the shelf to display, I had a moment where time stood still. I saw something my family had created and it struck a chord in my soul. I didn't hear Teddy crying or Nayeli running around or even Ben cleaning up. Everything stopped and I just felt so... happy. At peace. Complete. That I am the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. What a feeling.

That seems so funny to say, considering that I've had my fair share of debbie-downer days lately and even longed for the days when I was single and lived for myself. Those were the days when I wasn't getting up 2-3 times a night with a baby. They were the days when my life didn't revolve around nap times, play dates and feedings. I did what I wanted when I wanted, and I can't lie and say that that doesn't sound appealing when my kids are both having meltdowns as I check out at the grocery store (not like that happened today or anything :) ). But they were also the days when I was selfish. Yes, I occasionally looked outward, but everything I did was about me.

Being a mother is morphing me. Everything I do now is about someone else. When I sleep, what I eat, where I go, all I do is determined by these two little children that I love so much. Even now, when everyone else is asleep and I finally have a moment to myself I'm writing a post about them. My husband. My children. My everything. What irony, huh?

It brings such meaning to the scripture in Matthew 16 that says, "Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." (v.24-25)

I am losing my life (and sometimes my mind- I kid, I kid) but I am finding it in something else. My family. At this point, nothing matters more. In fact, when we first moved here I (more often than I'd like to admit) bemoaned the size of our apartment, our income, my wardrobe, blah blah blah. And now I am just so grateful. Grateful for a husband who is kind and hard-working. Grateful for food on our table. Grateful for money to pay our bills. Grateful for two healthy and adorable children. Grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will always look back on this time of my life as a time when God taught me to be grateful. Tonight, in that moment of stillness, that is what he was teaching me.

Teaching me that I have everything that matters. And no matter how little it may seem to be, it will always be enough.

Making gingerbread houses

Nayeli and her house- I put the frosting on but she did all the candy herself