Get to Know Your Kin

A rare post by Ben:

I’m pretty certain that most people can’t name their grandparents’ brothers and sisters.  Chances are, they probably never met those distant relatives and it's unlikely they've ever spent much time together.  I don’t think that’s anyone’s fault.  Time passes.  Life marches on.  Families get spread out.  But for me it’s different.  I have vibrant memories of my grandmother’s brother and sister on the Phillips side.  And I have meaningful, current relationships with this great aunt and uncle. 

These wonderful, distant relatives have always been waiting in the wings of my life to cheer me on and watch me grow up.

And so, this post is about those folks.  I'm grateful for their love and encouragement over these many years. This is my small attempt to combine a couple pictures and thoughts to honor these family members who have played a role in my personal history. 

Late 80s.  Ben and Cork

Late 80s Florida Uncle Cork, Aunt Pauline, Landon, Ben, Patrick, Erik

I’ve always adored my great Uncle Cork and his wife Pauline. (I realize "Cork" is a strange name.  His real name is Cordon.  I'll have to ask him one day how that evolved into Cork.)  Maybe it’s because they gave me an Atlanta Braves baseball hat for my 8^th birthday.  Or maybe it’s because they sent us delicious toffee every year for Christmas.  Who knows.  Cork and Pauline have always been the relatives that lived so far away in Georgia that it was a big deal anytime they came to town, yet they weren’t around often enough to hear the same jokes every week.  They were the ideal distant aunt and uncle.

4th of July in the early 90s Back: Cork, Pauline, Alex, Tammy,
Esther, Jeff, Erik, Front:  Landon, Ben, Ruthie, Sam,
Grandma Great (Ruth), Jane

Cork and Me

My Aunt Esther (Cork's sister) is a spitfire.  She’ll tell you what’s on your mind and she doesn’t know the meaning of sugarcoating.  She’s a riot.  She always sent my brothers and me a book for Christmas and we’d always celebrate her birthday with a barbecue in Salt Lake on the 24^th of July.  When my grandmother, Ruthie (Esther’s sister), passed away when I was 11, Esther stepped up and filled in as a grandmotherly figure on that side of the family.  She came to graduations and mission farewells and homecomings and weddings and a few family trips.   For as long as I can remember, we have made our yearly pilgrimage with Esther to Temple Square and the Lion House Restaurant during Christmas. Those are sweet memories.

2011 Athena, Ben, Jane, Esther, Chelsea.  Our yearly Temple Square and Lion House Pilgrimage. 

Over the past four years I’ve traveled to Atlanta to attend a trade show for work.  I’ve made it a habit to sneak away from the busy show for a couple hours to visit Cork and Pauline.  As a bonus, Aunt Esther has consistently scheduled her yearly trip to visit Cork and Pauline at the same time. 

2013 Geogia.  Cork, Pauline, Esther, Me

In 2013, I spent a couple extra days in Geogia with Cork, Pauline and Esther and asked them questions about family history.  It was a fantastic time and I left knowing more about the Phillips family than I ever could have imagined.

The next year, it was just Cork, Pauline and me for dinner and more family history.  Poor Cork and Paulie-- they must cringe every time I sit them down to extract and record their family history stories. 

2014 Georgia. Pauline, Cork, Me (pardon the selfie)

And this year, Cork, Pauline, Patrick (their son), Esther and me all had an excellent dinner together.  

2015 Georgia.  Cork, Pauline, Patrick, Esther, Ben

Why does this matter?  Because family is important.  These people are my kin.  They have stories about my deceased grandparents and information about where I came from.  They have stories about my mother and how my grandparents raised her.  They have family stories of sorrows, goodness, sacrifice, perseverance and love that are priceless.  As I listen to them reminisce and as I ask questions, I gain a more rounded understanding of myself.  I grow to love the grandparents, great grandparents and great great grandparents that made sacrifices so that I can enjoy the life I have now.  Their past informs my present.  I am the sum of my personal life experiences, but I am also the sum of my ancestors’ decisions and experiences.  My yearly gathering with my great aunts and uncles is usually short and sweet, but it’s a tangible and vivid experience of “turning the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers.”  These are experiences I treasure.