I've promised a few people I'd publish this photo. This is what Nayeli's left hand looked like right after she was born.While in the womb she gotten a hold of her hand and sucked until she'd given herself a good hicky. Thus, the reason breastfeeding was quite a challenge at the beginning. I'm just glad she's recently found her hands.
Finally, two months later, here is the epistle of Nayeli's birth. Please be prepared for a story and picture overload.
On my due date, March 27th, I went to the doctor's office. I was only dilated to a 2 so I let him strip my membranes. He told me it might not put me into labor but that if I hadn't delivered by April 3rd they would induce me.
After my appointment I was determined to go into labor. I walked to the mall and went around it once. By the end of my walk I was starting to feel contractions but by the time I got home they had stopped. The rest of the night was pretty uneventful- we ate fajitas for dinner and by 11 we were in bed.
I'd had so many Braxton Hicks during the pregnancy that I didn't think much of them. However right as we got into bed I told Ben, "I think these ones are stronger". But I ignored it because I figured that if they were the real deal, they'd wake me up.
At 12:30 am I was awakened by pain in my stomach. I thought, "Man those fajitas aren't settling well". So I went to the bathroom. After going multiple times and having diarrhea, I thought I would feel better. However the pain continued to get worse and worse. By 1 am I was pacing in the bathroom and having to do counter-pressure on my legs (side note: counter-pressure is when you put pressure on the area that you're having pain. It did wonders for me during labor. Kept me sane). Anyway, by 1:20 I'd decided I needed to wake Ben up. It took me saying his name about eight times before he woke up. Poor guy, he was exhausted.
By then my contractions were getting stronger. However I still didn't think I was in labor. I told Ben, "Let's just go to the hospital and if I'm not in labor they can just give me a shot". He later told me that the whole time I was getting ready he was thinking, "All they're going to do is give her a shot and that's it". Ha ha, good thing he didn't say that out loud at the time.
I was trying to finish packing my hospital bag but the contractions were too close together for me to concentrate. That should have been a red flag to me, but I honestly couldn't process it. Every time my contraction would peak I'd have Ben do counter-pressure on my back, then run to pack more of my hospital bag until the next contraction. I couldn't even think because of the pain- I ended up packing numerous things I didn't need including a pomade I haven't used in my hair in two years.
When we got in the car Ben was still half asleep and as he drove I was writhing in pain. I then realized he was going 5 mph under the speed limit and stopping at all the red lights, even if no one was around. I said some choice words that may have included, "You get me to the hospital right now or else!" Poor Ben, he still thought we were just going for a pain shot.
We got to the hospital at 1:40 but our entrance was slowed because I kept making Ben stop to push on my back at the peak of my contractions. Still, I didn't realized I was in labor. What a dunce, huh? We finally arrived at the triage desk of Labor and Delivery and I gave the girl my information. I had pre-registered almost two months before so I wouldn't have to deal with paperwork when I arrived so I was a little frustrated when the girl took a few minutes to have me verify information, sign some things, blah blah blah. I'm so proud to say I didn't chew her out but that I was very kind. Honestly, it took every ounce of self control I had.
I'm going to digress for a second to say how surprised I was at how bad the contractions hurt. I never could have imagined pain like that. Granted I've never had a lot of pain in my life, but by the time we got to the hospital I could barely breathe through the contractions. It was a pain much more tremendous than anything I had ever experienced. And I felt very ill-prepared, very taken off-guard. Although I don't think anything could have prepared me for it.
Back to the story. As we walked back to a room so they could check me, I saw my doctor sitting at the desk. That was such a relief to know he was close. He had just done another delivery. The nurse walked me into a room and told me to get into a gown. That was a challenge. By now I was shaking because I had no time to recover between the contractions. I shoved my clothes in the bag they'd given me and laid on the bed. I was still expecting to be told I was dilated to a 2, given a pain shot, and sent home.
Lo and behold I was dilated to a 5 and 90% effaced! Woo hoo! I'd done half my labor at home! When the nurse told me, "You're not going home tonight" I was ecstatic. The doctor then came in, told me he'd stick around and then asked if I wanted an epidural. I told him, "Yes, please" and the anesthesiologist was called. But before I continue the story, let's watch a video that Ben filmed while I was in labor, pre-epidural. I still can't decide whether to be mad or thank him for filming this.
The anethesiologist did a great job (even though it was really hard to hold still during the contractions) and by 2 am my epidural was in. I'll just interject to say that I respect women who labor naturally, but for me an epidural was the right choice. Ben and I were then able to relax and rest while my body progressed. By 2:53 am I was dilated to a 7 and 100% effaced. The doctor then came in and broke my water and then he and the nurse left us to rest awhile longer.
Even though Ben fell asleep I could only rest and think. I was sooooo excited. It was like Christmas morning but better. The nurse came in to check us again at 4:35 and found... I was already dilated to a 10! She called the doctor then prepped me for pushing.
Right before I started to push. Pretty chipper, huh? Ben reports I said something like, "I can't believe I'm having a baby. This is so fun!" I don't really remember that but he wrote it down when I said it so I guess I have to believe it :)
Nayeli had always been low in my pelvis the entire pregnancy so when I was prepped for pushing you could already see her head. I asked to use the mirror and am so glad I did. At first I thought,"Oh my gosh is that what everyone in this room is looking at? How embarrassing!" Ha ha. But I loved being able to see her cute dark-haired head as she came down the birth canal. And it helped so much to see my progress. It was motivating.
At 5:30 am they started to have me push. Obviously I had no movement or sensation in my legs so Ben held one leg and the nurse the other. They coached me with pushing and breathing. At first it seemed like I wasn't making any progress but then the nurse grabbed the doctor at 5:50 so I could deliver. The nice thing was that because of the epidural I had a lot of energy to push.
One issue was the size of the opening. The doctor mentioned that he didn't think he'd have to cut me, but he still took the time to stretch me so I wouldn't tear too much. At some point Ben said in amazement something like, "She's never going to fit through that little hole!" Ha ha. That still makes me laugh. Ben never has a problem saying what he's thinking.
So I pushed, vomited a few times, then pushed some more. She had the cord wrapped around her neck but didn't show distress until she was in the birth canal. That's why it was such a relief when at 6:02 am on Wednesday March 28th, Nayeli Jane Petersen was born.
Our first sight of our baby :)
The doctor offered to let Ben cut the cord but he declined :) Ben would much rather be behind the camera than deal with bodily fluids.
She was a bit purple but pinked up quickly.
When they put her onto my chest I couldn't control my emotions. She was so beautiful. And she was ours!
A friend told me that when she got to heaven she'd ask to relive the birth of each her children. I now understand why she said that. It was such a beautiful, spiritual experience. I can't even describe it. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
The proud papa
Our awesome nurse Jessica
Our family
My amazing doctor Dr. Drewes from Valley OB
She weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces and was 18 inches long. We held and adored her, I breastfed for the first time, and then Ben accompanied Nayeli to the nursery for her first bath while I was moved to Mother Baby.
Final verdict: birth is a miracle. What a privilege to bring a person into this life. I don't think there's anything more special.
Tomorrow Nayeli will be one month old. What a blessing to have this sweet little baby in our home. Here are a few pictures from her last month of life.
Don't you think she looks like Ben as a baby?
She loves Ben and he loves to hold her, even when he's busy on his computer.
Just a few of her cute faces we get to enjoy
This was taken today. She's grown so much and now weighs 9 pounds.
We love our little girl!
Ben graduated Cum Laude from BYU last week with a bachelor's in
Broadcast Journalism and a minor in film. For work he'll be going full
time at the company he's been working part time at since last year- Blade HQ. I'm
so proud of him and all his hard work!
Our new family
Nayeli slept the entire graduation but had a breakdown soon after this photo was taken.
Can you see it in her face?
Ben's family came down from the graduation. We loved having them here.
I'm back from my blogging hiatus ready and willing to say that you were all right. It does get easier. Not that we're out of the woods yet, but after a month of being a mom I no longer feel like my life is over. In fact with some adaptation I feel like I'm regaining some stability and beginning to enjoy what it is to be a mom.
Although, I can't say that my personal adaptation deserves all the credit. I also owe it to a nipple shield that fed my baby while protecting my infected and torn up nipples. I owe it to a sleepy wrap that gives me two free hands again while getting to feel my baby snuggle up to me. And I owe it to a bassinet that has sometimes helped my baby sleep in four or five hour blocks.
The list of things I relish in grows every day: having Nayeli recognize my voice, learning her personality, seeing her smile at me or Ben, being able to calm her crying, taking her places and having people tell me what a cute baby I have.
And I'm relishing in today because today has been a good day. At this moment dinner is in the oven, the laundry is folded and put away, my kitchen is clean, and my baby is sleeping in a wrap on my chest.
I know all days won't be like this so I'll take it. And even if tomorrow the house is a wreck and I get nothing done, I'll take it too. Because I still get to be a mom, and my life is not yet over.
I've taken a blogging hiatus for awhile since I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Actually, if it's possible to feel like my life has been turned upside down, done a 180 and then a triple-salchow, then that's how I feel. So I'm now going to confess that having a newborn, although a wonderful experience, is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I'm sure all you seasoned mothers out there know what I'm talking about. One day you have control of your life, and then the next you are completely subject to another. You relinquish all your freedom. Your life is no longer your own. Who saw that coming?
When I asked my mom and sisters about a week after Nayeli was born why they didn't tell me having a baby was so hard, they all laughed. They each said something to the effect of, "We did tell you. You just thought you'd be different". They were right. I did think I would be different. I would be able to get plenty of sleep. I wouldn't have problems with breastfeeding. I wouldn't cry every day from the baby blues. I would be able to keep my house clean and do lots of projects. After all, all newborns do is sleep, right?
What a rude awakening. Especially the breastfeeding. By the way, if you don't want all the gory details of my breastfeeding life, you can skip to the last paragraph now. But for all the rest of you, I'll say that it has been something akin to torture. Finally yesterday I broke down and went to a private appointment with a lactation consultant. Turns out I have a staph infection of both nipples as well as being cracked all around the edges. So besides applying antimicrobial creams, I'll be pumping my milk and bottle feeding for a few days to give my breasts a break. Yesterday I felt like a motherly failure, but today I've noticed such an improvement that I can't be disappointed. Hallelujah. Although I must say that breastfeeding really is a beautiful experience and I love it, even if it feels like you're getting a wart burned off each time you do it.
To end, I want to clarify my emotions. Do I love my daughter? Yes. Do I think she's wonderful and precious and the most beautiful baby ever? Of course. Am I happy we had her? Absolutely. Would I send her back? Never. Is admitting that it's hard mean that I love her less? Absolutely not. Every day I have at least one moment when I look at her and think, "I love being your mom". And even if that happens only once a day, it makes it all worth it.
Nayeli Jane Petersen was born on Wednesday, March 28 at 6:02 am after only 5 hours of labor and 30 minutes pushing. She's beautiful and we love her. Birth story with more details to come soon.
